About Being Lonely

I've been thinking, and I realize I don't really have good reason to go on about it being lonely.  I am in an area that's not open to alternate religions; but on the other hand I do have my husband's support, Luna and Cara next door, Adrian down the street (for now, until he moves), as well as Willow out of state just a phone call away.   My life is busy and sometimes our schedules don't sync up just right, but I wouldn't do anything if I was going to stay hung up on the excuses not to.  So this is my personal 'shake myself awake' post saying, if I'm feeling lonely or disconnected from other people then I should move my feet or pick up a phone and do something about it.   

This blog itself tells me this, I post about how this friend has inspired me or how much talking with that one helped.  And it occurred to me, someone reading this might be in a much more isolated situation than I am.  

I think what sent me on the spiral was that I had planned to go visit Willow on vacation in May, then my work schedule and finances didn't match up.  In the end, I really hope, this blog has been a good thing that never would have occurred if I hadn't been feeling down.  So, just life in motion I guess. 

 Wishing everyone a happy Beltane.

Nina Part 2: Magic is not Magik

My husband plays

 

(I play a little too but it's really not my favorite of games.)   Nina's husband Saul was looking for a game to get into and a new store has opened in our town that sells Magic cards.  So my husband was teaching him how to play. 

Saul went home a few nights ago and told Nina that my husband was showing him Magic and she freaked out a little.  My husband explained what it is to her, pretty much like playing a video game with cards.   

A few days later we were hanging out at Nina and Saul's and they decided to play.  Nina began to have a lot of questions again, but she kept directing the questions at me (I wasn't playing).  So again I kept saying "no it's a card game, it's just a game, no it has nothing to do with real magik".  She would smile and say ok. And then a few minutes latter would have a new question.

"You know how Ouija boards are just games, is it something like that?" or "so for real it's not anything but a game?" and so on. Or "Is it like those cards you use to tell the future?"

It really kind of hurt me, I stayed as patient as I could, but I was really close to asking them for a hand full of cards so she could see how ridiculous it was to think these creatures were being summoned from another plane of existence.  She didn't want to get close to the table they were playing at so I wasn't sure if she would even let me show her what the cards were.  

A few days latter and we are still clearing it up and explaining it to her.  It really strikes me that, if Saul was learning the game from anyone else who wasn't associated with me, or if my hubby had started showing him the game a year or two ago she wouldn't have a question in the world about it.  She keeps making a point to say "I think it's so great that we can love and trust each other even though we don't have the same faith" but that's not the way she is making me feel.  I am trying to keep a sense of humor about it; hence this post.

To be clear. Nina's opinion wouldn't matter to me if I didn't think she was sweet, wonderful, kind, and smart woman. So that's not what this post is about; it's not about 'oh look how silly this person is, she must be really dumb' that's not what I'm saying. She is just having a harder time than most letting go of fears that, let's face it, are pretty much supported by society in general (at least here in the bible belt).  I laugh and poke fun at it because that helps me deal with the situation beyond 'wow it really hurts me that she would think these things'.  

Back to business, with the whole Magic misunderstanding on it's way to being cleared up and put aside. I must find a way to introduce Nina & Saul to the mystical, diabolical game...of Uno.

Adrian: I Can't Think Of A Catchy Title For This One

Not long after I started reading about wicca, I started spending more time talking to Adrian, before we had hung out a lot but not really talked as much.  I had just started trying meditation (something I am still not great at) and I remembered him saying something about his meditation.  So I asked him if he had any tips.  That's when I found out that he had studied wicca before but wasn't anymore, he still remembered some things from it.  He has become one of my friends that I can openly talk about what I'm struggling with or where I am at religion-wise.   

Adrian is the one that gave me a lot of help (and by that, I mean listened to me stress out incessantly) with the issue of how much if any, to tell my parents.  When I first asked him what he thought, he said, "family is everything, do what you think is best for them".  And while that didn't answer my question right away, it did get me thinking on the pro's and con's of this decision.  I'm not worried about them disowning me, I know they love me, I'm just not sure they like me.  I had to decided if the pro's to telling them were going to benefit them or just me.  Likewise I had to think about if the con's were just something I was hiding behind to avoid conflict. 

He listened to me agonize over this decision for a good 4 months.  (That's not to downplay other people's help and support, but you have to give credit where credit is due.)  In the end, my decision came from a compilation of his advice to do what would be best for them; and others advice that it was up to me, it was my business what I believe, and it all depends on how much them knowing/not knowing meant to me.  He was also the one that reminded me that, if I decided not to tell them just yet it didn't mean I could never tell them if the time felt right.

Aside from that specific situational, he has also shared with me what he remembers from when he studied, some of his experiences from that time, and keeps an eye out for resources I might find useful.