Luna & Cara: A Very Good Store

About 3 weeks ago Luna came over to ask if I wanted to go with them to an herbal store we had heard about in a town about an hour away.  It went really good and I plan on going back soon.  I don't know what to really say about it, I intend to go back as soon as I get a chance, and while I am there I will need to ask if the owner minds me mentioning it in detail on my blog.  The owner is openly practicing, but still I would like to have their permission first. 

I will say that the experience of finding one good resource in your area is a real boost.  It was just a very good experience and I am so glad that I have a place to go (and it helps that it is out of town) to find things I need, and be in the company of someone who has practiced much more than I have. 

Nina Part 4: A Midnight Walk

Nina and I had a good talk last night.  I got to talk about my worries about what she thinks about me, and she got to ask me more questions.  I think we have a much better understanding on this now.  Mostly she was confused about magik, and what I could or had to do; which gave me a chance to explain a few things to her,  I am not currently practicing magik yet, but even if I was I know she doesn't want it and I would never do anything involving her.  So she knows I have that respect for her.

How to handle this has been a big question for me, normally for a question like this I would do some tarot spreads to get some insight on it.  I didn't feel right doing a tarot reading on this particular situation because I knew she didn't like tarot.  So even though it left me feeling in the dark, I felt I needed to respect that as a boundary.

Simply put, I feel much better about her opinion of me, and she now knows that she can ask me anything she wants to ask me, and that I am not going to be doing anything involving her in my practice.    

Nina Part 3: Conversations That Haven't Been

While partying 2 weeks back, I had a bit more to drink than normal for me as a result, I began trying to explain to Nina that she doesn't need to be afraid of me.  I started saying things like, "You know that even if we don't believe the same thing, you know I would never bring anything into your house you don't want. I'm just so worried that you are afraid of me."

Nina laughed, and her answer was, "I'm not afraid of you, I love you, I really want to talk to you about this... but can we talk when we are sober?"

The past few weeks have been busy, I am still looking forward to this conversation.  She keeps reminding me about it as well.  I am nervous about it but excited at the same time.  The way I see it, the conversation will go one of a few ways; I will find out that I have been worried over nothing, that I have been oversensitive about her reaction, or a chance to make more sense of it.  All in all I see this as a positive opportunity. 

It really means a lot to me that she wants to talk more about it; I don't need her to agree with me, I just need to know we have asked all the questions we needed to ask.  Growing up, there wasn't much opportunity for things like, I lived in a type of silence.  If it was something the other person wouldn't understand that was it, there was no negotiation, it was not talked about again.  There was no room for questions where I was raised, questions meant doubt, doubt was a lack of faith, lack of faith was unacceptable and a slap in the face of god.  So I am just glad that I get a chance to talk with Nina soon, even if it means we argue a little, because it shows that we care enough about each other to try to see it their way.

Flexibility

As I have said before, I'm starting my second year studying wicca, so I won't claim to be an expert.  I'm definitely not trying to be a guide or teacher, and most definitely not 'preaching the word of paganism'.  I have worried sometimes that maybe this is breaking the speak little listen much, but I think I'm in the clear. Once again I will say that what I put up here are just my experiences and what I learned from them; it's not a gospel of Tempest that anyone should feel the need to follow or take as "this is the way to be wiccan" I don't think there is one way to be wiccan, and I definitely wouldn't want the responsibility of being in charge of what that would be. 

I am going to talk a little here about tool selection, and how that worked out for me.  One thing it took me a while to realize was; relax, be calm, don't stress out over if every tool you get is perfect as long as it feels right and works right.  Example, the broom, I tried very hard with the broom and maybe it's the culture I was raised in or whatever, but I struggled with it because I just couldn't seem to get comfortable with it.  I still want one and am even considering making one (and maybe if I do that then it will feel more natural to me once I put some creative energy into making it) but what I use instead of a broom right now are two fans.  Maybe a lot of wiccans would think that's crazy or inappropriate, so far it's been what feels natural to me.  

Another example would be bowls, I wanted matching bowls, specifically I wanted a bowl and chalice that matched.  That's way easier said than done (would have been easier done if I had access to clay and a kiln but I don't)  but I kept looking and looking until one day I found a bowl and bought it figuring I would just keep working to find a chalice to match.  Then I found a chalice that I really wanted to use and it hit me...does it matter if they match? No. All that looking and waiting, and in the end I didn't care.  I had to let go of the 'everything must match and be perfect and just so-so' because that in itself is a problem I have.  A problem of stalling and stalling and not getting started because I want everything perfect, when I know from experience that imperfect can be a situation to learn something very important.

A good chunk of the tools I'm using I did make myself because I like to do arts and crafty things and that's how I make it personal to me.  But the things I can't make (metal working and carpentry are not talents that I have)  I have to have a 'feeling' about.  I'm working on getting over the 'oooh so shiny' knee jerk reaction to things.  Many of the things I still needed have just come to me at random, from a friend, or even just finding things that I forgot that I had and realizing it's right for the purpose.  It's not to say it works like that all the time, and I don't count on it happening, but it's nice when it does.

Luna's New Blog

My neighbor Luna has started a blog as well, the link is http://the-luna-chronicles.blogspot.com so if you are enjoying this blog go give hers a look as well.  Since we have different takes on some things, and we have slightly different writing styles, there may be things there that you agree closer with, or just find described in a way that makes more sense to you.
Just wanted to welcome her to the blogspot community. Welcome Luna & http://the-luna-chronicles.blogspot.com

Mia: Temptation At Work

There has only been one time so far that I have been tempted to talk about my beliefs at work, and I still wonder if I made the right choice at the time.  For the most part I think I did.  Mia has been a very good friend to me at work.  She is easy to talk to, she is one of those women that put people at ease, you rarely feel judged around her.  One day while working with her we were alone and I was under a lot of stress from old emotional wounds.  I was telling her about where I grew up and the culture shock when I first left.  Like always I was watching what I said about religion (I find that in any professional or somewhat formal setting, religion and politics should just be avoided) and out of nowhere Mia asked, "Do you know anything about wicca or witchcraft?"  luckily we were both busy working so I don't think she noticed the pause while I collected my thoughts.  I told her that I knew what it was, that I had read a book about it because I knew some people who lived out of state that were.  That was all I said on the subject, I think it's the only question she has ever asked me that I didn't flat out give the full truth on.  She said "Yeah, I have some friends who are too. I just didn't know if you had ever heard of it because of how you were raised."  and quickly added, "I don't think there's anything wrong with it, they aren't dangerous or anything."  

The rest of the day, and sometimes even now, I wonder what that little conversation was about and what it meant.  Of course at first all I could think was, I must have said something, or maybe she saw something (like since I don't wear a pentagram/pentacle, but I carry a coin with one in a small coin-purse).   So at first it made me worried.  As time went by I have wondered if it's possible that she was reaching out to me; that maybe she is wiccan and was testing the waters to see if I was.  I wonder if I missed a chance for someone here that has more experience and knowledge about it.  But there is no way to be 100% sure.  Odds are, she had just recently talked to those friends she was talking about and it was fresh in her mind.  At any rate, I still wonder should I have just flat out told her?  Honestly, I don't think she would tell anyone else, especially if I asked her not to.  But at this point in my life, there is this line between my life and my work life, work is so hard to find and I can't afford to loose this job, and rumors fly around so fast you never know who knows what.  I just don't feel comfortable blurring that line just yet.  

 

I still enjoy talking to her, I still seek her out for advise on other things in my life.  It's just one of those things, a lot can be said in so few words, a lot can be said in actions.  At that moment I didn't know the best thing to do so I went for the safest, and in the end I think when it doubt that is the best choice. 

Friends & Tarot

I've done readings on many of my friends.  Adrian has been my tarot test subject, especially when I first started out, he has a friend (who I haven't met) that is very good with tarot and knows it is important to practice, practice, practice.  He was also able to pass on advice from his friend to help me as I got started.   Other than Adrain, I have done a few readings for my husband (though I was worried about doing readings on him because it can be difficult to get a reading on anyone your life is so tied up with) and last New Years I offered anyone who wanted a "year-ahead" reading if they wanted it.  Bette was the first to volunteer and a few others at her party got one as well.  It was really good to get some experience reading on people I don't see all the time or know as well.  I also have tried some 'distance' readings, on some of my friends who live farther away (but I always ask them before I attempt a reading on them, I feel that's only fair, I don't want to do anything they would not be comfortable with).  

Once I got comfortable with tarot, I'm ashamed to say I slacked off on it a little.  So now I am trying to do readings at least 2 to 3 times per week to continue to sharpen my grasp on it.